[00:00:12] Speaker A: What's up, Neil?
[00:00:13] Speaker B: What's up, dude? Doing this.
[00:00:16] Speaker A: So this is episode two. We had episode one of our podcast. The whole point of this is just for us to get together and talk about a lot of the things that we talk about in our individual coaching within ominous rising, the things that we're building up. But. But this week is Father's Day, and both. Both you and I are fathers. Father's Day was yesterday, so we just got done doing some cool Father's day stuff, so really just kind of want to hit on that a little bit. So why don't you kick us off? Like, you know, what is Father's Day to you as a single dad? As a. How was Father's Day to you for your father? All those types of things.
[00:00:49] Speaker B: Yeah, you know, I appreciate the question and started off this way because Father's Day for me is a tough one because I didn't have my father around a lot when I was growing up. And then I've got multiple children with different mothers, and I have various degrees of relationship with all three of my children. And I think it's one of the things that men don't realize. At least I didn't. But men don't realize the impact that the man has on the development of a child's adult life until they have their own kids. And then you, like, then you, like, start to see it, right? You start to see, like, oh, my oldest is emulating my behavior or is attracted to men like me. And, like, a big, huge thing for me was I forget which book or what conference I was at, but I was like, they had said when my daughter was, like, six that, you know, she was gonna. She was gonna date, be attracted to men like me when she got older. And I was like, I better stop acting like a dickhead. Like, I was like, this girl is going to show up with a dickhead at the door. I'm gonna have no one to blame but myself.
[00:02:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:06] Speaker B: You know, so Father's day for me is an interesting one. So my, you know, like, I have my.
I had a really, really great day. I went to another community that I. That I play a role in called dad's in business. I went to their barbecue.
You know, got this. Got to see a bunch of other dads show up with their kids. But, you know, it's an interesting one because I think it's meant to, like, have you reflect on it. And I think that a lot of dads, you know, a lot of men especially, don't celebrate, you know, being a dad. And don't cherish, you know, those dad moments. And so Father's Day is just cake, a necktie, and a barbecue outside versus, like, really celebrating your opportunity for legacy. And to think about really the type of children you want to create and what you want their lives to be.
[00:02:57] Speaker A: Like, yeah, it's crazy. Listen to. I can't remember which comedian it was, but he has this bit where he talks about how Father's Day is like the 15th or 20th most, you know, in popularity of all of the holidays. And he's like, I don't know, 19 other holidays, much less 19, that are more important than, than Father's Day. And I think Christmas is number one. Like, mother's Day is like number three, and rightfully so, like nothing. I'm not trying to take away from Mother's Day, but I think today's society, unfortunately, has taken the importance away from the role of the father in the household. And that is, I think, one of the reasons why we have kids that are, that are, that are wandering, that don't know, they don't have that leadership. And, you know, my wife and I talked about it. We actually talked about it today. And she's like, you know, obviously I saw it. I know. I knew that there was. Having a dad is important. She goes, but I didn't have that type of dad. We had all girls. She has a bunch of sisters, no brothers. And her dad wasn't, you know, the strict and the guidance and the rules, and that just wasn't his thing. He's a great dad, but that just wasn't him. So her getting used to how I showed up as a father, and obviously, I've changed and grown a lot over the years in the 15 years of being a dad. But even that, like, sometimes she doesn't, she doesn't always get it. Like me putting Charlie, you know, into that, you know, young men's group where. Where he spent a year and read books and, you know, did 75 hard. And me taking him with us to the rig when we did that event with a bunch of grown men. Right. You know, he was the only kid. And amongst that, you know, yes, he's six four, but he's still 15. At the time, he was 14. Right. So we do those things, and the reason I do them is because I want to build that legacy like I want to. You know, I listened to a podcast the other day where they were talking about how the importance of a man's place in a kid's life. Obviously, there's a lot of important pieces. But one of the things is you have to tell your kid what to do and, like, give him that guidance, right? So. So when a kid is not respecting their parents, it's the dad's job to step up and kind of slap them in the back of the head and say, hey, you're getting out of line, right? Because if that dad isn't there and it's only the mom, sometimes that mom is not going to slap that kid upside the head. But the problem is, is if when they go out in public, the police officers, other people, they don't love though that kid the same way a parent does. Like, when I slap my kid up beside the head, I do it with love. Like, I'm not actually trying to hurt him or, or maim him. I'm trying to guide him. Whereas when he goes into public, he doesn't have that guidance. So it's super important as a dad to always think about that, right.
When I looked at this weekend, I spent a lot of time similar to you. Like, Charlie and I went shooting, which is Tokata ranch, and, you know, we shot targets and we went to a movie and we ate food and we did things as a family. Like, we did all of these cool things. But at the end of the day, for me, when I'm looking at it, I'm looking at it as it's the most important thing I can do as a man is to be a good father and the best father I can be. I know I'm not going to be great. I know I'm not going to be perfect. But that's not the intention. The intention is to learn and grow and know what the, what the end goal is. My end goal is that I can, these kids, at 18 or whatever age, they leave the house and they can make decisions upon their own. It's their lives. It's not my life for them. I'm just trying to give them the tools to help them get to a place where they can make their own decisions.
[00:06:37] Speaker B: Well, 100%.
And my little breath there is built upon, like, one of the things I think that you and I very much align on in our relationship together is that those were not the examples that were set out in front of us.
And at some point, both of us, in our own way, made a choice that we were going to go a different direction.
[00:07:05] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:07:05] Speaker B: Right. We just decided we're going to cut our cut or cut our own path.
And it's interesting because I think it's just like I constantly hear from a lot of people and I've heard from a lot of men, especially, like, I don't know how to do that or, like, I wasn't raised that way. Right. And we live in a very argumentative society right now, and. And I. And I have to believe that.
[00:07:34] Speaker A: For.
[00:07:34] Speaker B: Me, one of the things that I started to do a couple years ago was the only argument I sought was the argument with myself.
[00:07:41] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:07:42] Speaker B: And when I didn't have the financial lifestyle that I wanted, I didn't argue with the taxes. I didn't argue with the economy. I argued with myself why I didn't have those tools when I couldn't show up in the relationship that I had in the past the way that I wanted to. I went from blaming her, my then wife, at that time, into taking full responsibility and arguing with myself on why.
Why I was the way that I was.
And it's the only people ask me how I can be so forward, but I'm not, like, crass or over the top. And it really is. I think more people need to find the argument with themselves and stop looking for the villains, because if you stop looking for the villains, then you'll start showing up better for yourself, but then you'll want better for your kids.
[00:08:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:39] Speaker B: And I think that's a big thing, is, like, if you're busy arguing with the food companies because of the chemicals that they put in their food, because they want to keep you as a customer, instead of arguing with yourself on why your fat ass is on the couch all day long.
[00:08:54] Speaker A: Right.
[00:08:55] Speaker B: Your children are going to argue the same argument for you, and you don't realize you're passing down the argument.
[00:09:03] Speaker A: Right.
[00:09:04] Speaker B: And I think that's the big. A big, compelling thing about where we are now is, like, I think that because we're dads who now work from home, we're dads who have access to different knowledge bases beyond what was just initially passed down from our family trees, we get to go. Yeah, that was a thing in my family, but I don't believe in that. Or there's better research to think otherwise or whatever the thing is. And I can decide that I'm gonna go do a thing. And even, like, yesterday, when I was at this barbecue with my daughter, it was funny because, literally, I picked up a frisbee.
Cause we're at my friend David's house. He got this big, huge field in his backyard and threw it to my daughter. And then I think every parent goes through this. My daughter threw a Frisbee, and it went right dunk right in the ground. And I realized she'd never thrown a frisbee in her life.
And I was like, you don't know how to throw a Frisbee. And she was like, no. And we literally sat there and played Frisbee for 30 minutes. And she had the best time in the world. And it wasn't a video game. It wasn't anything complicated. It was a Frisbee. But sometimes it's as simple as just picking up the thing and being like, hey, kiddo, you ever see one of these things before? Cause they're probably gonna go, no.
And yet some parents will argue, why won't my kid get off the phone?
[00:10:27] Speaker A: Right?
[00:10:27] Speaker B: It could be just as simple as going outside with your kid and being like, here's this thing you've never seen before. Let me impress you with a Frisbee.
[00:10:34] Speaker A: Well, and that leads us into the other topic that we want to talk about. Is, is that work life balance? For those just listening on audio, I'm doing air quotes here because traditionally, most people, I think most people, when they're saying that term, they see balance as, like 50 50, trying to balance a scale so that each. Each side is equal. Like, the same amount of time or effort or energy spent towards business will also be spent towards home life. Right? And I think you and I realize, and many know this, there is no such thing as balance. Balance is there's a hundred. You have 100% to give. Sometimes it's going to be 60 40, sometimes it going to be 80 20. Sometimes going to be 90 ten. Sometimes it may be 1000. Hopefully, those times are not that much either direction. Um, but, like, when you're on vacation, you want it to be 1000 ish, you know? Ish. Um, you want to be focused on being on vacation. And sometimes when you're having to deliver something, you're doing something big at. At work or a business or whatever, you're. You're. You're launching something new. Sometimes it's 100% on the opposite side, and you're working for a week and you don't come up for breath, and you sleep at the office, like. And that's okay. The. The thing I think people miss is it's. It's an up and down. It's. It's cyclical. Right. And. And there has to be. You have to include those focus points. Talk. I released a pie or the other day about this, and you have to actually focus on those things. So we are more than just our job. We are more than just being a dad. Like, Neil and Aaron are men, and we have desires and needs and wants and feelings and all of these things. We have to be intentional, upfront, written out with a map of what do we want to do. Like, what am I going to create this week, this day, this month, this year, so that I'm not forgetting to go back. Like, I gotta put gas in my tank. I gotta change my oil. Like, these are, these are analogies. But the point is, is that I can't just focus all of my time on business for three years and not spend any time on my family and expect that they're just gonna be sitting there at the end of three years waiting for me.
[00:12:40] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. You know, this is my biggest challenge with military veteran folk, to be honest. Because, you know, I look at it as, and I say that as somebody who serves right where you live this life, 24 7365, and you're very, there's singularity. And then I think a lot of military folks, when they get out, they struggle, because you have this work life balance. You have work friends, you have personal friends, and that separation of that. But what I distilled that down to is, in the military, what makes it really easy for people is it's a capabilities thing.
You get given all these capabilities, and you basically know how to function in all these different ways. And I think for dads, I think one of the biggest things is it's not about work life balance, but also I think it's like, what capabilities do you have?
I think you should have the capability to change a tire, you know? Like, I think you should have the capability that you are a dangerous man. I also think you should have the capability to keep your mouth shut and know when not to fight and to back down and not go off the hinges, you know, like, you look at military veterans and they're, like, carrying guns around, like, in their neighborhood as if, like, something's gonna pop off in a minute, you know, like. And yet they're like, can't even have a hard conversation without, like, getting triggered by it. And that is not a very capable man. And especially if you have children, you're just seeing that that person doesn't have the capability, like, I want my daughter to see the capabilities that I have, you know, and the capability to know that I'm not going to get mad at somebody who doesn't mean anything to me, who has a jarring comment at life, you know, like, we want to demonstrate. And here's the thing is, like, if you look at it from that frame and you look at what are the capabilities that I want to give my children.
And then you start to work on those capabilities constantly. I've been through this years ago, I was not like this. But there's no capability in teaching my kid how to play video games. There's no capability in teaching them how to sit on the couch all day and watch tv all day long. Right? But there's a capability in teaching them how to read. There's a teaching them. And there's a capability in teaching them how to fight and jiu jitsu and how to defend themselves. There's a capability in teaching them how to eat healthy. Right. There's always different capabilities that you should be teaching your children that they're gonna see sooner or later and be able to use. Versus, like, even the idea of work life balance, like, the idea of trying to constantly find balance in your life, even if you mastered it, it would just weaken you.
[00:15:43] Speaker A: Right?
[00:15:45] Speaker B: Like, that's the thing is, like, if you think about that, like, I've never seen anybody who is super successful, good at what they do and loves what they do and be like, the reason how I got here was balance.
[00:15:57] Speaker A: Right?
But there. But there's also some of those guys and gals that are really good at what they do. They love what they do. And then they have no. They have nothing else beyond just not having a family. And I don't. A lot of people don't have families. That's not necessarily the point. But they. Their entire identity and everything they are is tied up into that thing that they do. Their job, their profession, their. Their company, their business, that kind of thing. And sometimes it takes that a lot, that amount of commitment. But the problem is, is if that is all you are and your whole identity and your personality and everything that you are is tied up into that, then you can't turn it off, right? There's no space for relationships and self and meditation and, you know, anything, right? And it's almost the exact opposite of the guy that, you know, the white collar worker that goes to job goes to work or blue collar, and they punch a time clock and they hate their job, and they're waiting till Friday to go to the bar because all they can wait for is the weekend or the four, you know, the one week of vacation that they get a year, two weeks, whatever it is. And see, that's the exact opposite, right? Those are. But I see those as two of the same people, right? They're just one loves what they're doing, and they're stuck in it, and the other one hates what they're doing, but they're stuck in it. But they're both stuck like they don't have anything else. Like they, they're just in this wheel of. I need to build more business. I need to make more money. I need to, you know, climb the ladder. I need to, you know, sell my co, like whatever it is on the, on the successful side and that, not that the other side is not successful, it's just, it's a different side of the same coin and that they're both miserable and they both have nothing else. Right. And to your point of the, the guys that are walking around and maybe they're the best, you know, CQB and they can shoot and they can fight, but how's their home life? How is their, you know, the billionaires, like, how many billionaires and millionaires do you see there's successful Wall street guys that are on their 8th marriage? Oh sure. I'm not throwing stones at people that had bad relationships and marriages. That's not my point. My point is, is that it's really hard to focus on. Right. So you have to be intentional if you want to succeed in all of those things. And you can, you can have a successful relationship and you can have a healthy family and you can have hobbies and you can kick ass in business and you can be good at jiu jitsu and not sit on the couch and watch tv all day and you can read with the kids and throw Frisbee and do those, all the, all those other things. But you have to be intentional. It doesn't happen by accident and it's not going to naturally happen because most people don't do that. Most people go to work, go home, drink, sit on the couch and repeat the same day every day. It's fucking groundhog day for 40 years until they get the retirement watch and then they don't know what to do.
[00:18:45] Speaker B: Well, that's the thing. Like, I think that's the piece that ties into what you said earlier in this conversation about like, you know, men kind of have a, have a job and a role in these conversations. And I get it. I'm going to say something that, that, but I think it's part, part of it's the way that I process my own stuff. But I think it's like coached enough people to realize this is like, look, men predominantly start to go after the woman. Then they're the one who decides I'm in a relationship with you, then predominantly they're going to be the one who says, will you marry me? And then they're going to get in the relationship and then statistically they're going to be the ones who cheat.
Right. Statistically they're going to be the ones who are going to claim to be unhappy and statistically they're going to be the ones who will self sabotage the relationship and the woman will eventually get fed up and just file for divorce.
[00:19:44] Speaker A: Right.
[00:19:44] Speaker B: But yet all of that is all predicated off of a bunch of choices, milestones that, that, and I, and I, and I did this. I made, I was poor, bad at choosing women for a very, very long time.
I take full responsibility that I made poor choices. Not that I chose bad women, I just chose bad women for me. And then when I would get comfortable enough to realize that, and this is what happens with so many men, is like, you have to have that argument with yourself and then be like, wait a minute, I'm kind of responsible for how I got here. And I can either a do the work like you have done with your wife and said, I'm going to hold the space here and build the foundation and we're going to keep it this way or you do it my way, which was, hey, I'm going to complete this in a healthy and happy way. I'm going to take care of my children and move on with my life, repair myself that way, and then recognize that I could get better in my choices and get better tools and better systems in place, which is essentially what both of you and I did, just in a different way.
[00:20:57] Speaker A: Absolutely. And it's sad because so few people in general, men or women do that, right? They, you know, I know a lot of people who have gotten divorced and they get, they leave, whether it's divorced, married, in bad relationships, whatever. The thing is, you leave one relationship and you, you categorize all of the things about that relationship that were bad and then you look for the exact opposite in the next person. So you go from somebody that was too affectionate, somebody that's not affectionate enough, or somebody that was too masculine to somebody that's not masculine enough or whatever. I mean, it's like yin and yang and, and they think that's going to fix the problem. But they didn't, they didn't look at the whole thing, the whole relationship, the whole person, the good and the bad. It's like, you know, right now in politics, like we've got these 280 year old dudes that are the predominant people in our, in our choices of the two parties and all, if you hear either side talking, all they talk about are the positives of their candidate and the negatives of the op of the other side. Neither party is talking about the pros and cons of both candidates because. I'm sorry, both candidates have. Every person in the world has pros and cons. Like you and I are great at a lot of things. There's also shit that we're not great at. Right? That's just life. That doesn't mean we can't get better at them, but we can't pretend that we are. I don't pretend that I'm great at everything. There's a lot of things that I'm not awesome at. And my wife and I will tell me that, and my kids will tell me that, and I tell myself that. Right? But so few times do people walk into this and make a decision to either stay or leave the relationship and do it with intention. Hey, I'm staying because I want this relationship to work, and I think we can work on it. And these are things that I need to work on, and these are things that I would love for you to work on. But you did that same thing, and it was just a bit. It was better for you guys to split, but you had to do the same work because signing a piece of paper was the easy part. Maintaining a healthy relationship because you guys have a kid together, that's the hard part. Like, that's. That's arguably harder than what I did, right? Because you. You're not even married to her anymore and you still have a relationship. And I applaud that because so few people focus on that. And the amount of work that it takes to have a good. Be a good dad to your daughter while you're not in the same house and you're not. You know, Carrie and I can talk about our. How we're going to parent our kid over the dinner table, and we can argue about it in our bedroom because we sleep in the same bed. Like, she can't escape me. We have to fight through it, right? I mean, there's no place for her to go or for me to go. Whereas it's. It's different for you that. But the work is still there. You still have to do that work. And it's just added levels of complexity. Now, obviously, my side has different complexities as well, but I think the point of this conversation is that it takes that amount of intentional work on either side. You can't just escape the pain. Like, there's. There's work on either decision. Which hard do you want? Both of them are hard.
[00:23:57] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, I think it's also, like, this part of our topic is about, like, you know, the stay at home dad, you know, kind of. And it's a big shift. I think that's a big thing that's going on, is like, it's a big shift, because I know plenty of. Plenty of guys that, like, grow up in a household where both parents were present. But, you know, dad was out the door at 07:00 in the morning. Dad came home at six, dinner was served. And, you know, maybe on the weekend, he played baseball with you for an hour or two, or you helped him with the lawn. And that was about it, right? Like, that was just a role. And I've done a lot of work around this concept of really thinking about, like, really living, because I've heard so many men who actually feel really guilty about not even though they're home, not spending enough time with their kids. There's this really interesting other flip side of this to where suddenly dads feel like, I gotta be present with my kid all the time, and there's this actual upheaval of that, and you're actually probably spending too much time with your kids and not letting them breathe and letting them learn on their own. And, like, there's this, like, to your point, and I appreciate the kind words, it's like, there's this intention of, like, hey, I'm gonna take my kid and I'm gonna be present with them. I'm gonna teach them a thing, and then I'm gonna leave them alone. Like, let them do their thing, let them fumble, let them do something stupid, let them get in trouble, let them get yelled at, let them realize they were in trouble, why they were in trouble, instead of helicoptering it and then recognizing again. That's why, like, this whole thing of, like, if your kids are turning out a certain way, like, I think it's a choice. Like, I think, like, something that I picked up years and years ago when I was raising my stepson was like, I never wanted to step in and be the stepdad. He's got a dad. He's got a father. I never wanted to be that role.
I didn't want to take away from that. And what I realized, though, was, like, you have to decide whether or not you want good, good children or you want to raise good adults. You can't do both. Yeah, you can if you want to sit there and you want to, you know, have a good child and let them be good all the time. Like, my goal with all three of my children is like, I want them, when they're 30, to be prepared to tackle life.
[00:26:39] Speaker A: Right.
[00:26:39] Speaker B: That's it. Fuck off on everything else.
[00:26:42] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:26:44] Speaker B: Because, like.
Because it's just like this crazy thing about, like, if you sit and look at the stage of that your child is at and then think about what stage you were at. We were all hot messes at one point.
[00:26:56] Speaker A: Absolutely.
Well, and again, right off that. That work life balance, right. Is for three years, I traveled and I was gone a lot. I grew up, and my dad was rarely around. He worked so much. You know, he was just constantly on the road. He'd be gone for weeks and months at a time, you know. Yeah, he'd come home, but he'd be tired. He'd sit in the couch and, you know, I spent a lot of time. I was almost an only child because my sister was eight years older than me, right? So by the time I got to be of that age and in my teenage age, my sister was gone. She'd gotten married. You know, she wasn't home. It was really just me and my mom again. My dad was around, my grandfather's around, my grandfather's a big part of my life. But I struggled with that because I thought, like you said, like, I thought I need to be at every baseball game, at every football game, at every basketball game, at every school function. And half the time I was just annoyed. Like, I didn't want to be there. They didn't care if I was there or not. And I got to the place where I started prioritizing myself. I started prioritizing my wife and I. Right. Our relationship was more important than my kids relationship. And I don't mean that I don't love my kids. I mean that I have to prioritize myself if I can't. It's the, you know, when the oxygen thing comes out of the air, if you're in an airplane, you got to put it on yourself before you put it on your kid. Right. Same thing. Like, if I don't. If I don't, if I'm not filling my own cup, then I have less to give to my kid, right? So I have to be healthy. I have to be. I have to make sure I'm maintaining my fitness and my mental capacity and all those types of things so that I can show up. It's better for me to show up less frequently, but at a higher percentage and show up in a better way than it is for me to be at every event they ever do. Never miss one, but be an asshole.
[00:28:43] Speaker B: Every time I'm there, 100%. 100%.
[00:28:48] Speaker A: And sit on the couch and I'm here, I'm in the same house. But every time they come up and ask me to do something, I don't want to do that, or I'm tired. I mean, we went to the pool three times this weekend at the community pool.
I'm not sure I actually wanted to go, but it was fun. Like, we had it. We had a good time. We threw the football. Carrie and I listened to some music. We had a few drinks, and we were in the. In the pool, and the kids loved it. Right. And it was. It was that action of. Of doing something with them that wasn't playing video games. It wasn't any of those things. It was that quality time. And that's where it goes back to this whole work life balance is it's not about equal amounts of time. It's not. I spent 60 minutes on this. Now I need to spend 60 minutes on this other side. It's. It may be I spend 12 hours on work side and I spend 15 minutes spending time with my kid, but that, that time can be really intentional and powerful. Like, Charlie and I went to Staccato ranch this week in Sunday morning, and we shot, you know, we went, we went shooting, just he and I. And it was an hour. Most of the time, we're not even freaking talking. We're just there, you know, grunting. Hey, good job, right? You know, you're shooting, you got your, you know, ear pros in. You know, you're plinking targets and you're given a high five, you're resetting and you, you're going back again. Like, we probably didn't say twelve words to each other, but it was awesome. And he loved it.
[00:30:12] Speaker B: Yeah. And I think that's a good segue into, like, talking about the summer, because what I think is really fascinating, I think, is post 2020 is like, I don't know, like, it's real hard for me even to get. Get my head wrapped. Head wrapped around the fact that we even still have weekends.
[00:30:32] Speaker A: Right.
[00:30:33] Speaker B: You know, like, because if all you're doing is working all week and recovering on the weekend, just so you can go back to it, like, I haven't been like that in ten or twelve years, right. And so, like, I'm far away from that. But it's like, if you work at home, you know, like, and you've been working from home or you have more control over your schedule, you know, you set your own hours for the most part, and your kid's going to be home all day, you know, like, unless you're sending your kid off to a camp where you're paying for some kind of education and, you know, babysitting, you know, I think a lot of, a lot of it took a lot of. There was a lot of men who, or parents in general who just, you know, sat on the couch their whole summer growing up anyway. And so they seem to think, like, that's okay or that's good enough, you know, like, for your kids to be like that all summer. And again, I think it's funny because we have so much access to so much knowledge. Like, my daughter's reading two books a week right now, and she's done it. Like, one of her goals for the year, as I look away down at the goal list across from, was like, she wanted to read 40 books this year, right? And, like, how did she end up coming up with a goal to read 40 books a year? Because she watched her dad create goals for years and accomplish them. And then this year she was like, I think I want to do my goals.
[00:31:57] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:31:58] Speaker B: And that's the thing, is, like, you don't realize that you're recreating a piece of your own childhood in all the different stages of your life.
[00:32:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:32:08] Speaker B: Unless you actively pay attention to it and go like you and I have done. We're not doing it that way. We're going to go a different route.
[00:32:16] Speaker A: Right. And to your point, right. Is what is a, what is a successful summer look like, to your point? You know, when I was growing up, it was, I left the house, you know, right after I ate breakfast early in the morning, after the sun came up. And I probably didn't come home until it was dark. And if I came home at all, it may have been a phone call telling my mom I was spending at a friend's house. Right. And I really wasn't around. I didn't see my parents that often. Every once in a while, maybe we'd go on vacation, but we didn't really do that. Ours was just more. I'd go to the lake with my grandfather. I spent a lot of time fishing, riding horses, riding motorcycles, all that kind of stuff. I was always out doing something. Now, of course, I played video games with my friends and that kind of thing, but our attention span for that was just not that, that high. And I, and I grew up in Texas where it's, it's hot. All these kids that are like, oh, it's too hot outside. Like, I spent my entire summer outside in 100 plus degree temperature. So to me, successful summer looks like, you know, making sure I'm the same as you. Like, I have. I have an alarm set every day.
It never actually normally goes off. I'm usually up before my alarm goes. But that's Monday through Sunday. Saturday and Sunday, I get up, do my rock at 530 in the morning.
I don't have meetings on a Saturday morning that I have to get them in before. But I still. I set up my routine the same every day. It doesn't matter that it's Saturday. It doesn't matter that it's Christmas. It doesn't matter that it's Thanksgiving. It doesn't matter that it's summer, right? Yes. I'm gonna do some new things in there. Right. We may go to the pool more often. Maybe I'm gonna have a little bit more barbecue this summer. But still, like, I. You set up your things that you. You be intentional about what you want to create. So this summer for dads, like, what are things they can do for me? I think it's setting up. What do you want to do with your kids beyond just the normal shit that everybody else is doing? Like, what do you want to teach your kid? What skill set do you want them to learn? Like, and that doesn't mean you have to have them read, necessarily, two books a week, which is an awesome thing, by the way. But it can be going to a museum and teaching them something. Right. It can be watching a documentary with them and telling them something. It can be going to a place and explain to them something that they don't know. Right. Whether it's a historical military, you know, whatever that may be that you want to show them, but give it. Use that opportunity to bond with them, you know, teach them and learn. Train them on something. You know, Charlie's got two jobs this summer. You know, he's. He's an instructor at jiu jitsu. He got hired on at the YMCA to be a lifeguard. Then they changed their mind and weren't going to. Weren't going to hire him because he's 15, but he'd already gotten the training. So then he got hired. He went today to a in person interview that lasted ten minutes, and they hired him on the spot. And why is that? Because how he shows up, he walks in, yes or no, sir, shakes his hand. You know, he can speak to himself. He's comfortable speaking to an adult. His mom stayed in the car, so he walked up by himself. He said every other kid that was there, their mom was sitting with them. And here is Charlie wearing a staccato hat and showing up for the interview. And he got, he got the job. But the point is, is that it took, when that kid was 13, that's not who he was. It took two years of me working with him and do and having hard conversations and him in tears and sometimes me in tears to get him to this place where he is doing the work, not me. He chose to do 75 hard. So to me, a successful summer is really being intentional about what do you want to create just like you do in any goal.
[00:35:47] Speaker B: Yep. Yeah. It's good job, by the way. Good job doing that with him. But, but I think that's the whole point of this, right? I think that's the point is like, we're in this interesting evolution now, I think, as a society where there's lots more opportunities than there ever has been before.
[00:36:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:36:04] Speaker B: And the hard part is, I've said this for a long time, is like the blueprint for, you know, what, a good man or a good father. Right. Because it used to be like if you went to work every day and you paid your bills and you had children, like, you were good enough, right? Like, check done. And now it's like, you know, you got, you got parents that, like, you know, live off the grid and teach their kids how to, like, raise chickens and hydroponics and, you know, like all these amazing things. You got kids, parents like you who actively take their kids out of traditional school systems, you know, put them in other school systems and, and I'm sure there's plenty of parents who are doing a great job of keeping their kids in traditional school systems.
[00:36:54] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:36:55] Speaker B: But my litmus test for this is always this in the school systems because I do this with myself. I argue with myself is like, if you have a child and you have them in the school systems and you go to, you go to the school and you see the way the school operates, if you had to pay for that, would you be okay with the service that you were rendered? And most people are like, no, I don't. Not at all. But because they don't got to pay for it, they kind of accept it. And, and I think that's the lesson there is for all dads, is like, you've only got so much time with these kids. Like, these kids are going to be 30. They're going to not know how to, they're either going to know how to balance it, balance their bills or, and make money or they're not. And then you're gonna question why my 30 year old child can't fucking figure it out. And it's gonna be a big piece because you didn't give them the tools to do so.
[00:37:58] Speaker A: Right?
[00:37:58] Speaker B: And literally, the way that my daughter signed her father's day card to me, and this is my closing statement, was, I hope to be as successful as you are, dad.
[00:38:11] Speaker A: Right.
[00:38:12] Speaker B: And the fact that she's twelve and thinking about that, like, mission accomplished.
[00:38:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
Yeah. And I guess my final thing will be, you know, successful summer. It's not going to the Bahamas. It's not necessarily going the Bahamas. There's nothing wrong with that, right? Take them to Hawaii, travel. All those things are great. But that's not the measurement of success. The measurement of success is that. Is that they see you. They see that you're not perfect, but they see you trying.
Carrie and I got that same text today from Charlie, right? He sent a text because he was going through something and he sent us a. Sent us a text that said, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have parents like you and dad. I'm so thankful for you. Right? What 15 year old, like, you hear all these people talking about, oh, my 15 year old is an asshole. And. And, you know, can't deal with them and they're just ridiculous. And don't get me wrong, Charlie has his moments like kids. Not perfect, but nobody is. But that kid is amazing. Why is he amazing? Because we show that to him, right? We show him that he can be amazing. I'm not showing him I can be amazing. I'm showing him he can be amazing. And I'm giving him the opportunity to be amazing, to show up and have discipline and do those things. Right? When I started this, I had to force him. But then he started to want these things on his own. And he's building his own path. He's setting his own mind on what he wants to do and how he wants to show up. So now when he's acting a certain way, I could say, here's your leaders that you like, the people that you look up to.
Just like you just said about the school, if you were to say what you just said to me or if you would show up the way that you showed up today, would person, a person be your person? See, how would they think and what would they react? What would their reaction be? What would they tell you? And he just kind of looks down and be like, yeah, they wouldn't like that. Like, so you're not showing up how you want to show up. So what are you gonna do about that, right? It's, it's really black and white and simple. I don't have to scream at him. I don't have to beat him up. Like, I don't have to punish him, him. Take away his, his things.
I just say that and he's like, fuck.
[00:40:20] Speaker B: I love that man. Shout out to Charlie.
[00:40:23] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:40:25] Speaker B: So, yeah, I think, I think this is, this is a, let's put a close a bow on this conversation. But I think, you know, the ultimate thing that we should keep on doing in these is keep on bringing these thought provoking questions to inspire others to just think a little bit outside the box.
[00:40:42] Speaker A: Yep. We got some, some events coming up. We'll be putting out more details here soon, but we're going to have an event here in Texas in September. Not sure exactly the dates yet, but it's going to be probably mid to late September. There'll be shooting, there'll be barbecue, there'll be bourbon, there'll be possibly helicopters. Like, we'll see a lot of cool, fun stuff that we're working on. And we also have a dad and kid event coming up in December where we're going to do some cool stuff in, in Manhattan and kind of go see the Christmas lights and shows and, and just kind of relax and do fun stuff like that. So the September event is men only event. And then obviously the December dads in December event is, is with your family. Send an email to
[email protected] if you want more information on that, check out our website, hit us on all the social links, etc. All that kind of thing. More, more information will be coming. We really enjoy doing these types of events. It gives everybody an opportunity to really connect. Do some cool shit individually as men, but also do some cool shit and bring your kids along too. That's always fun as well.
[00:41:42] Speaker B: We'll see you there.
[00:41:43] Speaker A: All right.
